


Little Lies

by AngelsFallFirst



Category: Tarja Turunen - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 03:51:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9698873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: This is a little experiment ... read and find out :)[Tarja/Alex because I'm a crazy little shipper and dirty little fangirl ._. I'm sorry.]•••WARNING:Part 2 will be very, very, very, very, VERY explicit... if you're under 16 I recommend not to read but if you do anyway it's not my fault. I myself consider it as a better version of 50 shades of Grey, I simply call it 50 shades of Black. It's without sadomaso of course but it's my most intimate story so far. Well... hope you'll like it! (:





	1. Nothing is what it seems...

I am lost. Her eyes are so beautiful, I could drown in them forever. And her laugh ... her smile gets me everytime.  
If she knows how perfect she is? I guess so. She doesn't really act shy or insecure about herself. She is talking to her daughter, telling her about something I don't understand. She talks Finnish. There is nothing cuter than her talking Finnish.  
She smiles at me and I smile back. Shyly.  
... no one knows. Only she knows.  
But no one else knows that I'm head over heels in love with my boss.  
And my boss is Tarja Turunen.

*** some days earlier ***

"Hit it!"  
I couldn't help but smile as she said that, making the others and me start playing. Her little dance moves while we rehearsed were the cutest, the best thing would be though, that she didn't know that she couldn't dance at all. Neither could I, of course, but at least her dance moves looked cute. So super cute ...  
I tried to concentrate on playing while my mind was travelling between Tarja and my family over and over again ... my brother was about to marry this weekend.  
And I still had no escort.  
He was right after all, I'd be forever alone.  
I had thought about asking Tarja, but I couldn't simply bring Tarja Turunen to a German wedding, right?  
The thought of the Finnish woman next to me while my brother got wedded made me excited and I missed a string.  
"Alex, are you alright?" Tarja immediately asked and eyed me suspiciously. Damn, that woman could hear one wrong tune out of a whole orchestra.  
"Well, not really to be honest," I sighed and Tarja's face turned into worry.  
That was why I loved her. She cared so much about us ...  
"What's wrong?"  
Everyone stared at me and I sighed again. "My brother is getting married this Saturday," I said. "My little brother who always told me what a loser I am for not having a woman despite my guitarist being."  
"What an ass," Max commented and I nodded.  
"Right? A few years ago he had three girlfriends at the same time. And now he's going to marry ... but none of those women. He has only known her for a year. Not even I know her yet!"  
"Maybe she's his true love," Tarja said with a smile. "I also married early -"  
"Yeah," I interrupted her. I really didn't care about her marriage. "But my brother is a player. That poor woman doesn't even know, I think. And ... and if I come without an escort -"  
"You'll get laid easier," Kevin chuckled.  
"That too," I said with a grin. "After I've been told what I loser I am. Then I'll get drunk, get laid ... and in the morning I'll wake up next to the mother of the bride's best friend."  
The band stared at me. "Has that ever happened to you?" Tarja suddenly giggled.  
It hit me hard. Her giggle, not the fact that she giggled. Her giggle was so enchanting.   
"Thank God not," I laughed. "But I wouldn't be surprised if it will happen."  
"I can't let this happen," Tarja said and shook her head. "In the end you'll impregnate this woman and then you'll be the father of a baby who's mother is twice as old as its father." Tarja shook her head again. "I'll go with you."

Tarja kept her promise.  
I was waiting for her at the railway station and my heart almost stopped when she really came out of the building. She was waving at me and I waved back, my heart racing. We hugged, for a long time we hugged, and eventually let go of each other. Sadly. I could hug her all day long.  
"You really came!" I said happily.  
"Of course, silly," Tarja laughed. "I love weddings. I can't wait to be your escort."  
This made my heart race even faster.

I brought her to her hotel first. It was a noble hotel in Hannover, where the wedding would be. Tarja seemed to be surprised to see the hotel she always was in when we had a concert in Hannover.  
"Where are you going to sleep?" she asked in confusion.  
"Well, I have to stay at the hotel where everyone stays. It's not that fancy, so ..."  
"I don't care if it's fancy or not, but I understand. I mean it's your family and ... it's not really a date, so it's only logic that I'll spend the night somewhere else." Tarja chuckled, which gave me a sting in the heart.  
"Yes ..."  
Wordlessly I entered the hotel and went straight to the receptionist.  
"Hallo," I said. "Ich habe auf Turunen reserviert... eine Nacht."  
I looked at Tarja - she seemed a little helpless. What was wrong with her?  
(Tarja wasn't sure if she had understood right - her German was good enough usually but this made her heart beat a little faster.   
He had already made a reservation for her? He was really caring.)  
"Okay, ja, danke," I said and went back. "The room is ready. Wanna get ready upstairs? The wedding starts at three, so you'll have plenty of time."  
Tarja nodded and followed me to the elevator.  
What was wrong with her, all of a sudden?

"I'm done," her voice brought me back.  
I had stared at the ceiling for the last half hour, daydreaming about her.  
Now I was staring at her.  
It hurt so much, I couldn't quite describe how much it hurt. Sometimes when she smiled, I just thought about grabbing and kissing her. But that would ruin everything we had, everything. I regretted joining her band. If I had known I'd be in love with her like this ... but how couldn't I? She was the cutest, sweetest, most caring woman, she was beautiful, adorable, hot and one hell of a singer... she was a wonderful mother ...  
And I even loved her appearance the morning after a concert, no make up, glasses, witg wide clothes and a grumpy mood. I loved her even more then because I knew she didn't only care about looks.  
But now I could only stare.  
She was everything I've described above, that - and sexy. Hot as hell. Fucking gorgeous.  
"I - uhm - is that okay?" She turned and my heart stopped.  
Her deep black dress reached until her knees but hell - it was tight. Her curves were so sharp I didn't dare to touch, not even stare, her hair was curly and her eyes framed deep black. Black, black, black. I knew she loved black and hell, it suited her.  
"No one will look at the bride today," I mumbled.  
Tarja blushed and pulled her dress down a little. "Because I'm dressed as for a funeral?"  
"No," I mumbled and followed her beautiful hands. "Did you put off your wedding ring?"  
"What? Oh, yes. I did." I noticed that she was avoiding my look. "How strange would it be if you brought a married woman?"  
"I can see the impression on your ring finger."  
Tarja started massaging the impression. Did she want it to go away?  
"No one will look that close," she chuckled and I laughed. She didn't know my family. 

We took a taxi, both of us had intended to get drunk. At least a bit. I knew Tarja, even though she was Finnish she didn't drink that much. Neither did I when she was close. I always paid attention to the amount of alcohol I consumed, I wanted her to notice that I was more than a rocker who got wasted almost every day. We weren't that kind of a band anyway, life was different with Tarja as a boss. But I'd never exchange her to anyone else, no boss on this earth was a better boss than her.  
I doubted that there were many people who took their boss to their brother's wedding. While the boss was wearing a tight as fuck and sexy black dress ...  
I was close to collapsing as we finally got out of the taxi, she had been so close to me all the time that I could smell her. And her smell ... it always made me dizzy. It was that kind of a smell you want to smell everyday because it's her scent, it's not a perfume, it's the scent of her own. A mix between her skin's scent, her berry shampoo and her deodorant. It was Tarja. And I loved it.  
"Alex, are you okay?"  
"I'm nervous. I know that most of them don't know you ... they'll think you're my girlfriend so it could be embarrassing for us -" I fell silent as Tarja entwined her arm with mine.  
"Let's mess with a few heads," she giggled and I was too shocked to answer. "Also, can we please first pretend that I don't understand any German? Please!"  
"Okay," I chuckled. Cute woman. Gorgeous lady. Absolutely adorable little thing ...

We walked towards the registry office, arm in arm. I greeted my family and introduced them to Tarja -  
"Sadly she only speaks English," I apologised to them.  
"Only English?" My father was shocked. "You know I don't speak English. How will I be able to talk with her?"  
"You won't be able then, I guess," I said with a shrug but my father shook her hand anyway.  
"I'm Tim. Alex' father." That was all he could say, I guess.  
My aunt was the next to greet her. "So you're Alex' boss?" My aunt. She was a little extra, a fine lady who found attitude very important.  
"Yes, I'm Tarja." Tarja said and my aunt's face fell.  
"What? Sorry, I didn't quite catch your name."  
"Tarrr-ja," Tarja said slowly and my heart melted. I couldn't describe my feelings for this adorable woman.  
"Ah, right. I forgot you're - Swedish?"  
"Finnish," Tarja said with a smile.   
My sweet little Finn...  
"Sorry," aunt Lieselotte said but Tarja shook her head.  
"That's okay. What's your name?"  
I was dazzled. Tarja seemed to enchant my strict aunt perfectly. For the first time in years she smiled and then she said something that made me almost faint.  
"Lieselotte Bader. But you can call me auntie Lisi."  
Not even I was allowed to call her auntie Lisi!  
I didn't know what to say so I remained quiet.  
"Hey, Alex!"  
I turned around and waved my brother. "Hey, Steph. You're nervous?"  
"So very much. Did you really bring your boss??"  
"I did," I said with a broad grin. "Tarja?"  
Tarja turned away from my aunt and smiled at my brother with the typical Tarja smile.  
"Tarja Turunen. And you are?"  
"Stephan Scholpp," my brother said and I felt like cheering as I noticed his insecurity. He seemed shy all of a sudden, somehow enchanted by her. Of course I understood him, but he was a player so why was he shy? Probably he just acted because he was getting married in less than an hour.  
"How did you manage to bring her, did you bang her?" Stephan asked me and Tarja's smile froze. I glared at my brother and pulled Tarja away from him.  
"What an asshole," she mumbled in Finnish. That I understood.  
"I know," I said angrily. "Most important thing on this earth to him. It has always been like that and it will never change. 'Did you bang her? How often did you bang her?' I can't believe he's getting married before me."  
"Me neither," Tarja said and suddenly her green eyes rested on me. "You're such a catch! And you're - you know, you're probably too good for this world. Women tend to take assholes, God knows why."  
'Would you take me if you weren't married?' This question longed to come out of my mouth but I was strong enough not to ask it.  
She was still looking at me, and I was close to fainting. Her scent had found my nostrils again and I tried to inhale without her noticing. Her eyes. How could eyes be so unnaturally green like hers?  
Suddenly someone shouted "The bride is coming!" and Tarja tore her eyes from me.  
I didn't.   
I stared at her profile, at her perfect, cute nose ... at her lips ...  
"Alex," my aunt hissed and gave me a soft push.  
The bride, Judith, got out of the white car. Her dress was beautiful and so was she - but she was very different than I had imagined. Her face looked cute and natural, she was a little round, had brunette hair and she was wearing glasses. Her smile was honest. I was surprised. Stephan normally only had tall and thin women with dyed blonde hair, loads of make up and an arrogant smile. This woman looked normal. Normal and very pretty. Nothing I had imagined her to be ...  
I looked at Stephan, who seemed to be really in love with Judith. He smiled, also his smile seemed honest. Not the way he had always smiled at his ex-girlfriends, this one was so different.   
"He loves her," Tarja said quietly and I nodded.  
"He really does."  
Now I was looking at Tarja again. She had noticed that my brother loved Judith, did she notice that I loved her too?

The registry marriage didn't last long, and after that we went to the church. We walked by foot, since it was only five minutes away, and in those five minutes aunt Lieselotte pulled me away from Tarja.  
"Why are you staring at her? She's your boss, boy."  
"I know," I said sadly but my aunt grinned.  
"You should tell her anyway. You seem to be good friends."  
"She's -" for a moment I wanted to tell her that she was married, but then I decided not to. "Maybe I will today."  
Aunt Lieselotte didn't let go of me until we were inside of the church, she had even sent her daughter to start a conversation with Tarja so Tarja wasn't alone.  
I watched the two women, Sarah's helpless English and Tarja's honest and beautiful smile as she tried to understand my cousin.  
Once she threw a look back at me, a helpless and amused look, which made my heart jump and my aunt chuckle.  
"You should tell her," she said and pulled Sarah back.  
I was at Tarja's side within a second again.  
Inside of the church we seeked for a place far away from Lieselotte and Sarah. We were quite in the back and while Tarja was admiring the inside of the church ... I was admiring her.  
"This church is so beautiful," Tarja sighed and I nodded. I knew how she was with churches, she loved them, she loved being inside of them, also alone. Sometimes we had to stop during the tour, because she had seen a church. I never knew what she did inside of it while we were waiting for her, was she praying? Was she confessing? Kevin once said that she had a lot to confess. I didn't know what she could confess, she was the purest person existing, so I said she was probably praying for successful shows.  
She didn't need to pray for that, though. She was a person who took phones from fans during the show and film herself in selfie-mode before giving it back to the fan - she didn't need to pray for successful shows.  
I was so deep in thoughts, I first didn't notice how the organ started to play. Only when Tarja teared her look away from the church's ceiling and looked to the front, I did the same.

The ceremony lasted for half and hour. I was so hungry when we left the church, I was glad that Lieselotte offered Tarja and me to drive with Sarah and her.  
We accepted and got into the car.  
"Where are you going to sleep tonight, Tarja?" Lieselotte asked.  
"At a hotel in Hannover. I'm no relative or friend so it wouldn't be right to stay the night at the hotel that the bridal pair is paying.  
"But you're a friend of the groom's brother," Lieselotte said. "I think you can stay, it won't be a problem."  
"It's okay, the hotel is only forty minutes away from here."  
"Well, I hope Alex will at least bring you to the hotel." Lieselotte threw a stern look at me through the rear mirror.  
"I intended to," I said and Tarja shook her head.  
"You don't need to -"  
"Sht, not a word," I said gently. I would never let someone drive alone in a taxi in a foreign country. No matter who she was.  
Tarja looked at my aunt. "How come that your English is so good?"  
"I've lived in the United States, sweetie," aunt Lieselotte answered. "Before I moved back to Germany to marry Alexander's late uncle. And when I gave birth to Sarah here, I decided to stay in Germany. I never wanted to raise a baby in the USA."  
"She's not American, she's German through and through." Alex explained as he noticed Tarja's confused look.  
He knew her too well.  
"I know what you mean," Tarja suddenly said. "I wouldn't want to raise my daughter in the United States either."  
"You have a daughter?" Lieselotte asked and Tarja smiled.  
"Mhm... Naomi. The light of my life."  
As they came to stand and got out of the car, Lieselotte immediately grabbed Tarja's arm.  
"Show me a picture of Naomi."  
Tarja of course had loads of pictures of Naomi and herself on her phone and showed one of them to my aunt.  
"She's five." Tarja's voice and eyes were full of love.  
"Precious. She doesn't look really Finnish though."  
Tarja smiled but didn't answer. I was still astounded, Tarja really had the intention not to talk of her husband tonight, didn't she?

After the meal my father made the announcement that we could take pictures now. Stephan wanted me to join at the family picture of course, and I asked Tarja to wait for me.  
But she didn't, she walked after me. She watched the photographer as he took pictures of me and my family, me and my brother and my brother and Judith.  
"Who's next?" the photographer called after my father and Judith left the location and Tarja suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me to the little glade.  
"What are you doing?" I asked and Tarja smiled at me so stunningly that I was speechless once again.  
"You need a picture with your escort," she said sweetly and I almost died when she turned to me for the picture, put her arms around me. I tried not to smile to stiffly but I was so frozen. She was touching me, almost hugging me ... and I was completely in love with her. If I only wasn't...  
"Could you put your arm around her waist?" the photographer asked me and I did, my heart almost jumping out of my chest. I looked down at her and smiled, then I looked back the the camera.  
After a few shots, the photographer had a new request, the same request as he had asked Stephan and Judith only minutes ago.  
"Could you kiss?"  
I was shocked, of course, both hoping that she wouldn't want to and hoping that she would want to.  
Tarja didn't show any sign of resignation or disgust, instead of that she pulled at my sleeve.  
"We don't have to," I said, my mind turning and Tarja laughed.  
"Of course we won't. Look into the camera, Alex."  
I did, not showing her that my heart was about to break and while I tired to smile into the camera - I suddenly felt her lips on my cheek.  
She was kissing my cheek.  
I was shocked, happy, amused and stunned and I think she saw it in my face as she pulled back.   
She giggled.  
"You look so shocked ..."  
I grinned at her.

The party was great, people enjoyed to talk to Tarja, well, those who knew English. Of course someone recognised Tarja sooner or later, a young woman stumbled towards us at some point.  
"I'm Verena," she said, her voice shaking. "I'm Judith's cousin ... can I - can I have an autograph?"  
"Sure, sweetie. What do you want me to write?"  
"To Rena... That's my nickname." The girl blushed and then asked me for an autograph too.  
"Hey, do I know you?" Tarja suddenly asked and Verena went pale.  
"Maybe? I was backstage in Munich last year ..."  
"Oh, can be that I remember you from there." Tarja said sweetly and hugged the girl, while someone of her family took a picture of them.  
The girl had tears in her eyes as she hugged Tarja and told her that she loved her, but I was even more surprised as she did the same with me. Her relative was still taking pictures, so I hugged her back.  
And as she walked away, still shaking and crying, I turned to Tarja.   
"You just changed a human's life," I said and Tarja smiled.  
"I love doing this," she said gently. "I love seeing the expressions on their faces when I talk to them, I mean, I'm only a normal human but they seem so happy only when I talk to them."  
"You're so much more than a normal human," I said quietly and Tarja looked at me.  
"What?"  
"Well ... you're much more ... you're famous. You could be anything you know? Bitchy or ... mean. But you chose to be nice to your fans."  
"Well, of course! I love them!" Tarja seemed shocked.  
"See? There are singers who treat their fans like the last piece of shit."  
"I could never," Tarja said and I nodded.  
"I know."  
For a while none of us said anything, while Tarja just looked around. She laughed as she caught Lieselotte and Stephan dancing, and while the singer watched them in amusement, I only watched her.  
It was like I watched her in slow motion. The way she laughed, the time seemed to stand still. Slowly she turned to me - and her smile froze.  
"Alex, what's wrong?"  
"Nothing," I said and looked away. She was too beautiful. Did she even know how beautiful she was?  
"No, Alex." Tarja said and suddenly she seemed angry. "You've been like this for the last months, what the heck is wrong with you??"  
"I'm having some ... problems," I sighed and avoided her eyes.  
"Do you want to tell me?" Tarja was back to caring within a second.   
"No, I... you can't help me with that."  
Tarja suddenly seemed shocked. "You don't want to leave the band, do you??"  
"Of course not, not at all," Alex quickly said and finally looked at her. "I ... I might be a little lovesick."  
"Oh!" Tarja called out and her mouth stood open. "Why didn't you tell me? Oh my, that's amazing!"  
"It's not, Tarja. She doesn't like me that way."  
"Oh come on. I told you that you're a catch."  
"It's different. She's - out of my league."  
"Yes, way below your league," Tarja commented.  
'If you even knew ...'  
"No, she's not. She's... she's not available."  
"So she's taken?"  
"She's married."  
"I'm sorry," Tarja said quietly and looked around. "Is she here?"  
I closed my eyes. "Yes."  
"Who is it? Who??" Tarja was so curious but then she waved it off. "You know what, it's not important. Maybe it's better that I don't know, if I knew I'd probably do something stupid, as I'm a little drunk already."  
I looked at her and smiled at her red cheeks. "How many glasses of red wine have you had?"  
"Only three," Tarja laughed. "But I think your aunt wants to test how much a Finn can drink."  
"My aunt likes you," I said. "That's rare, but who couldn't like you?"  
"Awww," Tarja made and smacked my cheek. "I need to pee, I'll be back soon."  
She grabbed her purse and vanished. And I stared at my hands. I had almost told her ...  
"Sorry? Alex?" My cousin Sarah sat down next to me. "Am I disturbing?"  
"Not at all, what's up?"  
Sarah nudged my arm. "Tell her."  
I groaned. "You're just like your mother."  
"I know," Sarah sighed. "You need to tell her. Okay?"  
"Yes. Okay." I mumbled and Sarah placed her purse on the table. "I'll send you a picture," she said and pulled the phone out of the purse. "Do you still have the same number?  
I nodded and a few seconds later I had received not one but three pictures of me and Tarja.   
"I didn't notice that you were taking pictures too," I said quietly.   
"You were concentrated," Sarah said and reached out to touch my screen. She zoomed closer and my heart stopped. "As soon as she'll see that picture she'll know about your feelings anyway," she said. "Your look. It's so obvious. You love her so much ..."  
I closed my eyes again, trying not to cry. How would that look??  
"She's... oh Sarah, she's married..."  
My cousin's mouth went open. "Oh. Then - did she put her ring off??"  
"Yes... she said it would look stupid for me. Bringing a married woman as an escort."  
"Oh maybe she wanted to forget about her marriage for a while," Sarah guessed. "It doesn't matter, Alex, you have to tell her. It's pulling you down."  
Now I buried my face in my hands. "Why can't I just stop loving her??" I whispered and looked back at Sarah.   
"Because love isn't easy. But maybe you should dry your tears before she comes back," Sarah pointed out.  
She was right. I squeezed her shoulder before I stood up and walked outside.  
It was almost seven o'clock, great, at least five more hours until the party would slowly come to an end. Slowly, last year my other cousin married. The party ended at five in the morning and it had only ended because the best man had been injured.  
I sat down on a bench in the garden and watched the sunset, and after a few minutes I pulled my phone out of my jeans and looked at the pictures that Sarah had sent to me.  
The one where Tarja kissed me was my favourite.  
I swiped to the next ones and zoomed to her face. I sighed and went lower, looking at my hand. The hand that laid on her waist.  
My eyes travelled to her ass and I sighed again. What I would give for being able to grab that ass.  
I went back to her face and started stroking it. Of course it didn't work because the screen was moving through my touch but I went on with caressing her face. There was no other chance to do that.  
I stared at her face for felt hours, even though I knew it could only be minutes. It was short after seven when someone sat down next to me and I quickly locked my phone.   
"They've cut the cake," Tarja said. "Do you want to stay here? I can bring you slice if you want to. And then I'll stay outside with you."  
"You would?"  
"Of course. I'm Finnish, Alex. I'll rather be alone with you than surrounded by all those people inside."  
I smiled. "Okay. Is there chocolate cake?"  
"There is!" Tarja's eyes started shining and my heart melted once again.  
And she really went inside and brought two slices of chocolate cake for us.  
As we sat on the bench and ate the cake, Tarja suddenly leaned her head against my shoulder. "Do you feel better now?"  
"I do," I said honestly.  
"That's because of the cake. Chocolate always makes you feel better."  
I smiled. "Cute but ... in my case it's not the cake."  
Tarja didn't answer, I guess she was slowly realising.  
And then she looked at me.  
Her mouth was open and her eyes were watery.  
"Tarja!" I called out.  
"It's -" Tarja choked out. "Is it me? The woman you're -"   
"The woman I'm in love with," I ended, still avoiding her look. But now she did the same, she turned her head.  
"Oh god ..."  
"I couldn't do anything against it," I tried to apologise.  
"Of course you couldn't," Tarja mumbled. "It's my fault."  
"It is ..." I smiled. If she wasn't that gorgeous and perfect ...  
"Fuck," Tarja cursed.  
"Sorry." I felt so bad. My heart, it was aching. I knew that now she felt bad as well, she knew that she was the guilty one of us. If she was only a little less cute and ... herself ... I probably wouldn't have fallen for her ...  
A tear escaped my eye as I noticed that her eyes were wet too.  
"Tarja..." I pulled her close, knowing that this would only hurt myself. I hugged her and really - my heart almost tore apart. She now knew about my feelings and she hated them.  
Suddenly she looked up at me. "We'll find a wonderful woman for you."  
"I don't want anyone else," I said quietly and Tarja shook her head.  
"Alex -"  
I looked up to the sky and sighed. She was lying in my arms - but not the way I wanted her to.   
"Alex, please listen. This could never work out."  
"You don't need to apologise, Tarja. I first didn't even want to tell you. I know it wouldn't work but I couldn't stop my feelings."  
"There are so many perfect women out there -"  
"Of course. But no one would be right for me, Tarja. Why don't you see that I..." finally I looked at her. "I love you from the deepest of my soul, so that's why I want you to be happy. That's why I didn't want to tell you."  
Tarja was still looking at me with her wonderful, green eyes.   
"Why do you love me?" she whispered. "Why?"  
"Ask my heart," I mumbled back. "But I know I can't have you. Don't be sad, it's okay."  
"It's not," Tarja groaned and looked at me again. "For how long?"  
"Some years," I admitted. "But it really started as we wrote Calling From The Wild together..."  
"For me too," Tarja mumbled and closed her eyes.  
"What?" I called as Tarja suddenly jumped up and ran away. "Tari!"  
She ran towards the party location. Smart. Inside of there I couldn't talk to her.  
I ran after her anyway.

She was standing at the bar as I entered, knocking back a shot. I groaned. Great.  
I wanted to go to her, as Sarah pulled me aside.  
"You told her?"  
I looked at my cousin sadly. "Yes. And now look at her."  
Sarah threw a pitiful look at me. "I'm so sorry ..."  
"It's okay. You were right, Sarah. She had to know. Now excuse me ..."  
I shoved her away gently and went to the bar, where Tarja had knocked back another shot.   
"Tarja ... what did you mean with that?"  
"Why did you follow me?" Tarja stared at me sadly.  
"I'd... I'd follow you everywhere." I admitted sadly and stared at her hands. Her beautiful, perfect little hands.  
In the corner of my eyes I saw her lean forward and soon I could smell her again. I looked up, she was only centimetres away from me.  
"Then follow me outside," she whispered and turned around to walk outside.  
I followed her without hesitating.  
She led me away, farer away than we had been before.  
She led me into the small wood we had passed on our way here, about five minutes away from the party location.  
"Tarja ...!"  
Tarja didn't answer, she just walked and walked without a word. I was surprised that she didn't complain about the way her feet suffered from her shoes but then again - she was used to it.  
Finally we had reached the wood and now Tarja stood there, letting her head hang down.  
"Tarja?" She didn't answer, so I stepped closer and put my hands on her waist. "Are you going to tell me?"  
She slowly turned around, her green eyes fixed at my face.   
"I don't exactly know what happened," she said slowly. "But I... Alex, I think I also - I also -"  
She didn't finish, instead she pressed her lips on mine.  
I gasped and reacted fast, pulled her against me, but she pulled back again.  
"We shouldn't ..."  
"Yes ..." I looked away. My lips were burning. My heart was racing. It wasn't that warm inside the wood but I felt a strange hotness inside of me ...  
Her small hands travelled up and down my suit and suddenly, within seconds, she had opened the buttons and now pushed the blazer over my shoulders.  
"Tarja, what -"  
"Shh... do you want me?" The goddess looked me and I nodded.  
"Of course..."  
"Then be quiet okay? I want this to stay here. And after it we won't talk about it again ... I'm sorry to hurt you but - we can't have this forever."  
"I know." I was hurt indeed but the fact that Tarja wanted me to ...  
"Come," she whispered and pulled me deeper inside the wood.

___

Soon: part 2


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Alejandra! Hope you like the update ;))

There she was.  
Pinned against the tree while my lips wandered up and down her exposed thighs. She was breathing hard, panting, she was breathing my name. It was darker now than before, she looked like a dark goddess now. A dark goddess that would soon be mine ...  
I pushed her legs from my shoulders and let her stand. Her knees gave up though and she slid down, quickly I grabbed her, making sure she wouldn't fall.  
We locked eyes.  
I couldn't believe it. It was too much for me.  
"My God..." I mumbled but quickly corrected myself. "Goddess..."  
I stroke her face, her sharp cheekbones. I caressed her beautiful lips, before I captured them again.  
My mind was turning as her scent filled my nostrils once again but as she parted her lips and our tongues touched, I felt like I was dying. I pressed her harder against the tree and opened my mouth, bringing her deeper inside of me. I felt her breath on my face, was able to taste the liquor she had had before. It was crazy, it was so crazy. I was kissing her, I was kissing Tarja.   
I was touching her curves, I was ... now I was touching her through her panties.  
Her breathing got harder and her kiss got more desperate, hotter, more passionate. She parted her legs wider.  
"Wait -" I panted and pulled her panty off. "Can I -?"  
She only nodded and I swallowed, slowly inserting a finger.  
I was speechless. She was so wet. So very.  
I slowly inserted my whole finger, while she closed her eyes and breathed.  
I wanted to die. She was so perfect, so beautiful and she was ... ready for me. She let out a little groan as I pushed another finger into her and started to fuck her slowly.  
"Oh God ... oh my God..." she whispered as I pressed my thumb against her swollen bundle of nerves, started massaging it. Her juices were dripping out and into my hand but I didn't care. I used my left hand to part her wet lips and inserted my ring finger too. I was stretching her with three fingers now, giving her pleasure with my thumb at the same time. I pressed my lips against the hot skin of her neck.   
"Tarja, Tarja... I love you so..." And suddenly she stopped panting. I looked at her. "Are you okay?"  
She stared at me. "Do you have condoms with you?"  
Fuck. "No ... why should I? I didn't know I'd..."  
"Well." Tarja laughed. "Me neither."  
I smiled. "It's okay. I don't need to ... you know. Just lean back and enjoy."  
Tarja looked at me for a few seconds before she did what I said. She grabbed a branch above her and held onto it while I pushed and pulled my fingers in and out and in and out...  
I also kissed a trail up to her ear and licked the outside of it gently.  
Her wonderful ear...  
"Oh good God..." she suddenly groaned and her walls tightened around my fingers.  
"You like that?" I whispered and bit her earlobe. I pressed my thumb harder on her clit and she let out a loud gasp.  
"Oh - God! My God, Alex, I'm... I'm about to - please don't stop, okay? Don't stop ... don't stop ..."  
Of course I didn't stop.  
I only pulled my head back to watch her cum, my fingers continued what they were doing.  
And when she came, my world felt complete.  
She looked so beautiful, so perfect.  
I had tears in my eyes as I watched her, her partened lips and her trembling body. The little breaths that came out of her mouth, and finally a long and operatic scream.  
Yes, I had waited for something like this. I had known that, if Tarja Turunen came, she would let out an operatic scream. Or at least I had hoped for it.  
Her arms fell down as she let go of the branch and I caught her as she collapsed against my body.  
Instead she wrapped her arms around me, put her head on my shoulder and groaned louder.  
She was still having an orgasm? Must be, she was still quite tight around me. I carefully pulled my fingers out of her and brought them to my lips.  
Now this scent made me almost faint, sweet and ... very like Tarja. Aroused Tarja. I licked it off, wondering about how she'd taste if I -  
My pants were too tight, I couldn't do it now. I'd cum and then my pants would be wet and I couldn't go back to the party.  
"You taste good," I mumbled against the black hair and Tarja lifted her head. Her black kohl was smeared over her cheeks.  
"And you are good," she said and put her legs on the ground. She looked at me and I blushed. I was so hard and I knew for sure that it was visible.  
And really.  
"Oh dear," she said and smiled. "Is that what I'm doing to you?"  
"What do you think?" I asked with a blush and she shook her head.  
"How to solve this problem ..." she mumbled and fell on her knees.  
"Tarja?!" I was shocked as she pushed me against the same tree as I had done with her before and opened my trousers. "Tarja, no ..."  
"Sh, not a word," she demanded. "I'm the boss."  
"You're the boss," I whispered and closed my eyes.  
And only a few seconds later she had taken my best part into her beautiful mouth. It was unbelievable. She was unbelievable. She was so talented, so perfect in it...  
She was too good, I came only after a minute. "Tarja ... oh my God... I love you ..." I groaned her name over and over and once that feeling of flying had gone away, I pulled her up and kissed her hard. "I love you so much," I whispered. "Thanks for ... you know. I will never annoy you with my feelings again ... but if you need me ever again, tell me ..."  
Tarja kissed me gently. "I don't feel like going back to the party," she said. "Can you call a taxi and bring me back to the hotel?"  
"Of course," I said. She was the boss. But even if she wasn't, I'd do everything she said.  
We walked out of the forest and I called a taxi, he promised me to be at the party location in twenty minutes.  
"Come, let's walk back," I said and took Tarja's hand.  
And we walked back hand in hand, not talking about what had happened. We were talking about other stuff, about our mothers, who both were dead already, we talked about Tarja's new album, about a few concerts that were ahead of us ... random things.  
"We should say goodbye," Tarja suddenly suggested and I nodded.  
"We should. But wait a second, do you have a cloth with you?"  
"I do, wait." Tarja pulled out a handkerchief and I held it open.  
"Spit on it."  
"Ehm -"  
"Just do it," I chuckled and she did what I said. And I started wiping the smeared kohl from her cheeks. I could feel her eyes on my face as I did so, and once I was done, I gently kissed her lips. "There. Like new."  
"You have a leaf in your hair," she suddenly said and pulled it out with a giggle.  
"Well, you have the whole wood in your hair," I said and ruffled her hair.  
"Are you crazy?" she called. If someone sees that ...!"  
I shut her up with another kiss. "You look great. Now let's say goodbye."  
So we went inside and said goodbye, to my dad, my brother, Judith, Sarah and Lieselotte. No one noticed of course, we looked quite normal. Tarja finally revealed her little joke through walking to the people she had talked to, saying:  
"Ich wollte nur schnell auf Wiedersehen sagen." (I only wanted to say a quick goodbye)  
Everyone stared at her. "Du kannst Deutsch???"  
Tarja and I almost died of laughter.  
While Lieselotte and Tarja hugged each other, Sarah pulled me away.  
"Did you two -" she wiggled her brows at me.   
"What? No."  
"Oh come on. You're in such a good mood." Sarah said and I sighed.  
"We didn't do it, Sarah. We had no condoms."  
Sarah said nothing for a few seconds. But then she reached into her purse, took my hand and put something into it.  
"Please take her," she said. "She loves you too."  
"You're stupid," I said and looked at the condoms in my hand. Three.  
"Don't you think you could need one too?"  
"Please," Sarah rolled her eyes. "I checked everyone here out. Nothing suitable today."  
I laughed and hugged her. "Thank you."  
"You're welcome. Next time I'll see you, I want her to be divorced and together with you."  
"That would be great?" I sighed. I knew for sure that it wouldn't happen.  
"Are you done?"  
Tarja smiled at me.  
"I am," I said and let go of Sarah. Sarah and Tarja hugged as well and then we left the building.   
The taxi was already waiting for us and we got inside. I told the driver where to go and he switched on the counter.  
It was quiet.  
I didn't dare to take her hand, I didn't even dare to look at her. I only stared out of the window.  
Until ...  
Well, until Tarja leaned against me.  
"Thank you for taking me with you."  
"Thank you for offering to join," I replied and looked at her.  
And then she kissed me. Again, she kissed me.  
I was taken aback at first, but then I kissed her back. Slowly and tenderly.  
It wasn't deep, it was small and cute. Made me think of Sarah's words. "She loves you."  
She couldn't love me. She couldn't...  
I ran my fingers through her hair and placed my hand on her shoulder. I felt her goosebumps and caressed her skin, making the goosebumps grow bigger and the hair on her arms stand.   
Tarja sighed quietly and pulled back.  
"It has been a while since someone has kissed me like that."  
Oh.  
Oh.  
So that bastard didn't give her what she deserved?? Bastard. Jealous fucker. He was so jealous all the time.  
I had never liked him but now I despised him.  
"Same here," I mumbled and placed my lips on her forehead. "Please remember that I'm always here for you."  
Tarja nodded and stayed in her lying position.  
And while I stroke her, she fell asleep.  
When the taxi came to stand in front of the hotel, my heart broke. I knew I had to say goodbye now. I knew soon we'd see each other again and we had to pretend as if nothing had ever happened.  
"Tari? Tarja, love, wake up ..."   
Tarja opened her eyes.  
"I didn't sleep," she said with a shy grin. "I enjoyed your caress ... what's wrong? Why do you look so sad?"  
"I don't want to say goodbye," I mumbled and Tarja smiled.  
"You don't have to ..." she looked at the taxi driver. "Sorry, wie viel macht's aus?"  
"67€, Miss," the driver said and Tarja whistled quietly before she reached into her bag.  
"Wait - Tarja, I'll pay. I still have to drive back."  
Tarja laughed dryly. "You definitely won't drive back now."  
"But - where am I going to sleep?" I knew it was obvious and she also knew. She threw a look at me that could kill. I grinned and pulled her hand out of her bag.  
"I'll pay."  
"I'm paying, I'm your boss."  
We had a short staring duel, which I lost. No one won a staring duel with Tarja Turunen.   
So she paid and as soon as we were outside, I immediately grabbed her hand again.  
We took the elevator to the fifth floor, where her (our) room was.  
And as soon as the door went close, she pressed me against it and kissed me. Opened my shirt. Kissed my chest.   
"Tarja ..." I groaned. "I love you, baby, but -"  
"What?" She pulled away. "I know that Sarah gave you condoms. I saw it."  
I stroke her cheek. "That's not it. I just - I thought about everything in the taxi. I love you so much and if we're going to pretend that nothing happened, I'm going to be depressed. But on the other hand, you are married. And if he finds out -"  
Tarja went pale. "I know," she whispered. "That's why I want to pretend that nothing happened."  
"I understand but you have to understand me too ..."  
Tarja didn't move. "Can't you just try to fall in love with someone else?" she asked desperate and I chuckled.  
"Says the woman who is about to sleep with me."  
Tarja bit her lip. "I don't want to be divorced."  
"I know." How to solve this problem? I would never love someone else. "You're my everything," I sighed. "You're just so ... unattainable."  
"Oh, Alex," Tarja suddenly sobbed. "Marcelo, he's so mean ... I think he doesn't love me anymore ..."  
I was shocked. That came unexpected. "What??"  
"He mostly ignores me and if he answers me he's unfriendly, he - he doesn't kiss me anymore, doesn't want to sleep with me anymore ... I did nothing wrong, really, we didn't even fight ... he stopped loving me from one day to the other. I'm so scared that he's going to leave me, I don't want to divorce him, I -"  
She was shaking so hard that I had a hard job to calm her.   
"Sh, Tarja. Shhh... don't cry. Please. He doesn't deserve that you cry because of him."  
She was still shaking, so I lifted her up and carried her to the bed.  
"Okay, listen, baby." I started. "I'm going to make you feel like a queen now, okay? And you're going to forget him for a while. Alright?"  
Tarja nodded.  
"And tomorrow we'll continue talking. Are you okay with that?"  
Tarja nodded again and I smiled at her.  
"Good girl..." I whispered and reached behind her to open the zipper of her dress. She didn't say a word as I pulled her dress off and kissed every part of her newly exposed skin. Only when I pulled the dress over her hips, I didn't find words at first.  
"Where did you leave your panty?" I then asked and Tarja started laughing.  
"I forgot it in the wood."  
Now I had to laugh too. "You haven't worn panties for the last hour??"  
"Mh, nope."  
For a while we laughed, then I put the dress completely away. "I need to free you from your bra as well," I said as I hovered over her.  
"Please," Tarja begged and wrapped her arms around my neck. I opened her bra and slowly freed her from it.  
My hands were shaking. My whole body was shaking.  
"Alex..."  
"Yes, Tarja?"  
"You're nervous."  
"Of course I am, have you ever looked at yourself?"  
Tarja smiled. "Don't be... I'm just another normal woman."  
"I told you already, you're so much more than that. Why don't you see it?"  
"I don't know ... what do you see?"  
I sat up, peeling the bra off of her. She was completely naked now.  
"I see a goddess," I said quietly. "A deity. I see the most beautiful and wonderful woman on earth. The most sweetest, cutest and caring creature. The funniest and kindest person alive. Of course you're hot too - more than hot. You're sexy as hell, gorgeous, beautiful ... but I love you for your character. You're the purest human being ..." I bent down and kissed her lips.  
"Really?" Tarja whispered. "You think I'm such a good human? I'm about to cheat on my husband ..."  
"Didn't I say we wouldn't talk about him?" I mumbled against the corner of her mouth.   
"Sorry." Tarja closed her eyes. "I won't even think of him."  
"That I hope for you," I said gently and started kissing her skin. My hands were roaming up and down her body, grazing her hard nipples, squeezing her perfectly sized breasts. Both of them fitted perfectly into my hands. I cupped them and massaged them gently, while my lips travelled lower. Soon they had reached their destination, her left breast. I licked over her nipple and pulled back. It was pink and still to flat for my liking, so I blew on the wet skin. Tarja gasped as the cold air made her nipples harden and I bent down again to suck. I bit down carefully, I didn't know if she liked it, but she didn't complain. So I went to her other perfectly pink nipple to do the same.  
"I'm so aroused ..." she breathed.  
"Good," I said. I was shaking, shaking, shaking. I was about to make love to Tarja, my boss, Tarja Turunen ... I stroke her face. "My beautiful Tarja..." I whispered and then I kissed a trail down, along her jawline, down her throat. I kissed the valley of her breasts, kissed her flat stomach. She parted her legs and I wanted to die as that smell hit me again.  
Aroused Tarja. I loved the smell of aroused Tarja...  
"Oh baby..." I mumbled and looked at her one last time before I sunk my face between her legs. She was quivering as my tongue entered her, she was quivering and I was flying. I moaned while I went deeper, as deep as I could. I licked her walls and thrust in and out of her. Her juices wouldn't stop to flow but I didn't mind, she tasted amazing. I groaned again and pulled out just to watch her quiver, but -  
"No, no, no, don't stop!" she whimpered. "Don't stop..."  
I was speechless. Her whole body was stiff and she was breathing hard. "Oh baby," I mumbled again and continued my work, only that this time my tongue was massaging her clit. I could almost feel how it swelled through lust; I bit down gently (she cried out) and went on with massaging.  
Her whimper was too much for me, it showed me she needed me. She needed me ...  
I pulled back and opened my pants, got out of them. She watched me with a mix of lust, impatience and interest, watched me as I tried to open the condom package with my shaking hands.  
"Wait ..." she sat up and opened for me, rolled it over me.  
"Thanks," I whispered and she cupped my face.  
"There's no need to be nervous."  
"There is," I said and locked our eyes. "It's not only someone. It's you."  
Tarja smiled gently and let herself fall back, pulling me with her.  
I stroke her cheek, I couldn't take her, not yet. I didn't want it to be over so soon.  
"Don't be nervous." Tarja spread her legs for me and I kissed her.  
"I can't help it. Sorry."  
She bucked her hips against me and I chuckled. "Impatient, are we?"  
"We are," Tarja groaned. "Take me. Please take me."  
And I swallowed and sunk down between her legs, pushing forth slowly.  
As I felt warmth around my tip, she closed her eyes.  
And I pushed further. A gasp escaped her lips as I stretched her, and as soon as my length was covered by her warm and wet walls, she shuddered under me.  
"You feel amazing," I breathed and she opened her eyes, smiling at me.   
"That I can only give back."  
With a satisfied grin I grabbed her hips and started thrusting. I moved against her while she gasped with every push, she grabbed my shoulders, digging her nails into my skin. I groaned, she had quite sharp claws after all.  
The harder I pushed, the harder she dug, and soon I was sure that I was bleeding. It was a good pain, though, a very good pain.  
"I'm - don't stop, I'm so close!" she whispered, her voice high pitched.  
"Come for me, my beauty," I breathed and thrust harder. "Please ..."  
I could feel her walls clench around me and suddenly she had wrapped her legs around me too. I was still pushing as good as possible with her hanging on me, but it worked. I noticed that she had reached the climax as she let go of my skin, collapsed on the bed and grabbed a pillow. She covered her face and screamed into it.  
She was so, so tight around me, it was hard for me to continue pushing. She was wincing, as if I was giving her small electric strokes, wincing and still screaming and groaning into the pillow.  
And I wanted to see her face. I pulled the pillow away, smiling at her red but beautiful face.  
And then her legs fell back on the bed too, as her orgasm faded. She was too beautiful, lying there, completely exhausted ...  
"Oh God," she whispered and smiled at me. "Are you following?"  
"Not yet, my Love," I said gently and she put her hands on my chest.   
"Mh... Damn, you're so good..."  
"Says the queen," I said before I gently kissed her throat.  
And then I was close. I felt myself coming closer and suddenly I was sucking her throat, while she breathed and shook her head.  
"Don't- don't leave a hickey, please don't...!"  
I pulled back as I came, groaning out her name with need. I kissed her lips, kissed her hard, our tongues fought for dominance. Next thing I didn't quite realise, but suddenly I was lying on my back and she was over me. She just had rolled me over and got off of me.  
She was so beautiful.  
But the way she stared at me was - strict.  
"Tarja? What's wrong, my beauty?"  
But she pressed her index finger on my lips and pushed me back. Without a word she took another condom package, ripping it open.  
My heart stood still. She wasn't done yet?  
... she wasn't. She put me between her hands, stroking, kissing, and my erection woke up within another second. For a second time she rolled the condom over, climbed on me and sat down in my lap.  
She made me enter her, breathing softly, throwing her head back. I was speechless. She was above me, like a goddess, like a queen.  
A dark angel.   
Once she had fully taken me inside, she looked down at me.  
I looked back, trying to put my feels into my look. I couldn't express my feelings through words right now.  
I reached up and wanted to touch her, but she grabbed my hands.  
Holding onto them, she started circling her hips. I groaned and squeezed her hands, she squeezed back. Rocking her pelvis back and forth she rode me closer and closer to the edge, while I was moaning her name. I didn't know anything else anymore.  
Tarja, Tarja, Tarja.   
She was my goddess, she was my queen. I loved her to death and I knew I'd take this love into my grave.  
I tried to free my hands from hers but she didn't let me, she only went faster, I was about to lose my mind. Sweat was dropping from her forehead and from between her breasts, one drop ran down her flat stomach and vanished in her navel.  
I groaned louder.  
I was so close.  
Her lips partened as well and finally she let go of my hands. Instead of that she now grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back on the bed.  
"Fuck!" she screamed and threw her head back again. With the sight of her throat and jawline I came, just in the same moment as her.  
She collapsed on me, making our sweaty bodies collide.  
And then we just lay there, breathing. None of us said a word.  
I stroke her beautiful back, her shoulders and her head.  
And suddenly she lifted her head and looked at me. "What are we doing here?"  
My heart slowly broke. "We're... we're making love..."  
Tarja shook her head. "No, Alex. It's not like that ... please. Please understand. We can't be together. This is going to stay a one night stand, okay?"  
I nodded, trying not to show my feelings to openly. "Of course. As you want it, boss."  
"Don't call me boss. I'm naked and on top of you."  
"But you're on top of me ... boss."  
Tarja laughed and rolled us over. Now I was on top of her.  
"Now I'm beneath you ..." she whispered and I kissed her. I was too stunned. She was the most beautiful and perfect woman existing.  
"I love you."  
"Don't say that."  
"You love me too." I looked at her. I knew she did.  
"Maybe ..." she whispered and I closed my eyes. She loved me. She maybe loved me.  
"Let's get a little sleep," I said and my boss nodded.  
We crawled under the blanket, where I spooned her. She let me put my arm around her and I held her close to my body.  
"Good night, my love," I said and kissed the back of her head. "Hyvää yötä."  
Tarja chuckled. "Gute Nacht, Alex."  
I kissed her shoulder and held her even closer. If she vanished somehow, I would never be happy again. I needed her. Only for this night ...  
I promised myself not to fall asleep. I'd stay awake the whole night, holding her, protecting her and listening to her steady breathing.  
I buried my nose in her hair. Her smell... now it was perfect. A mix of her and me. Also she still smelled a little like the woods we've been to. Good God, oh how I loved her. I caressed her arm, sighing quietly. My life ...

Eventually I must have fallen asleep, because at some point I felt myself waking up. And it wasn't dark outside.  
I didn't move, not wanting to wake Tarja, who still was in my arms. So it was not a dream.  
"Someone's awake ..." Her voice was raw and when she turned her head, she smiled. "Someone's awake against my ass."  
Oh.  
How embarrassing.   
I pulled back a little. "Sorry."  
"No problem," Tarja said and turned her head back. "I'm also quite erected right now ..."  
"You are?" I whispered and she reached back to take my hand. Guiding it to her front side, I almost got a heart attack. She still wanted to continue?  
She guided my hand up to her nipples, which were stiff and hard. I rolled them between my fingers, while she sighed with lust. I made her legs part with my thigh and rubbed it against her most sensitive spot.  
"Are you serious ..." she breathed and parted her legs wider for me. I rubbed my thigh harder against her, feeling her wetness dripping down my skin. The harder I rubbed, the faster she breathed. And when she came, I felt her liquids running down my thigh, dripping on the bed. She breathed with that high-pitched sound I loved so much, she breathed my name and reached for me blindly. But I pressed her back on the bed, crawled down and started licking her dry. Her musky taste on my lips, I went up again and forced her to taste it, I French kissed her hard to make her taste herself.  
And she groaned, she had probably just come back to the ground.  
"I thought you wanted a one night stand only," I whispered and she shrugged, her cheeks red.  
"Maybe... maybe I changed my mind."  
I couldn't be happier.

After a shower and more touching, we started to pack her stuff; her plane would leave in a few hours and she first needed to take the train to the airport. I had thought that this would be the worst, watching her pack her stuff. It was hard indeed, knowing that she'd go back to her husband soon, but also it wasn't hard at all. I knew I'd see her again. The tour would go on soon and then we had plenty of time to do what we wanted to do without anyone knowing.  
We had a small fight about the payment again (I wanted to pay for her but she insisted to pay again), until we came to the conclusion that it would be fair for both of us to pay. I gave her the exact half and then snuck out of the backside of the hotel, while she checked out. I waited for her on the backside, as much as I wanted to bring her to the railway station and kiss her goodbye senselessly, I knew I couldn't do it. If someone saw us, everything would be over.  
So I kissed her senselessly behind the hotel, where no one could see us.  
"I'll miss you," I mumbled against her lips.  
"I'll miss you too," she mumbled back. "See you soon."  
"Please never say 'soon' again, baby," I chuckled and she grinned.  
"Why? When I say soon, I mean soon ..."  
I touched her cheek. "See you next week, Tarja."  
She nodded and took my hand. "See you next week, Alex."  
"Don't do anything stupid, okay?"  
She shook her head. "What should I do?"  
I kissed her forehead before she turned around and walked away. I stared after her, tears welling up in my eyes.  
She walked away ... just like in slow motion. And in slow motion she turned around.  
"Alex?"  
"Yes, Tarja?" I quickly wiped my tears away.  
Why didn't her eyes look wet?  
Yes, she's a Finn but also she's quite emotional.  
"Please don't tell anyone, okay?"  
"Okay," I promised her. Of course I wouldn't tell anyone! Never. Until she was ready.  
"Thank you," Tarja said and walked on, leaving me back alone.

***

Now we're back in the tour bus.   
She smiles at me and I smile back. Shyly.  
... no one knows. Only she knows.  
But no one else knows I'm head over heels in love with my boss. That, exactly a week ago, I had made love to my boss. Not only once. And there she is, my boss, Tarja. Pretending as if nothing ever happened. Of course I understand why she's doing that, but she could at least give me some signs, right?  
I'm heartbroken. Tonight we're going to have a concert and I'm only going to play for her. Not for the band, not for her fans.  
Only for her. She will notice. She notices everytime.  
And one day she'll be mine...


End file.
